Let me start this by saying this was 5 years ago. I’m a recovering addict and I’m doing much better. I still do psychedelics 4 times a year tops and take kratom which I used to get me off heroin/fentanyl/opiates. I’m almost 2 years clean off the hard stuff and love my life today and am currently tapering off kratom. Please reserve any judgment as I’ve already judged myself enough

Anyways, when I was at my worst, I ordered a bag of fentanyl off the dark web. When it arrived I put 50mg in a spoon and did the shot. I woke up to yelling and realized I had overdosed and was found by my roommates.

I didn’t want to go into withdrawal, nor did I want to be charged for the drugs so I did what any reasonable person would do and hid the bag up my ass before the ambulance/police arrived.

When I got to the hospital and got stabilized, I was told I would have to wait a few hours to be discharged so I decided this would be a perfect time for some more fentanyl (I know, I know)

I went to the ER bathroom and tried to dig it out, but the bag had been pushed up into me during the ambulance ride. I got on all fours and tried digging it out, but it kept going further and further inside me. I began getting sweaty and terrified, as I realized that the bag was tied in a crude knot and I could feel it start to come loose.

The bag contained 950mg, approximately 19x the amount which had almost killed me an hour prior, so I knew that if it opened up I’d be dead in minutes. Finally, after minutes of digging, the reality of my situation hit me full force

I went from being a straight A student, the kind of kid all my teachers thought would grow up to do great things, to being on my hands and knees on the floor of the emergency room bathroom trying to dig a bag of fentanyl out of my ass wearing a hospital gown, about to die of an overdose after already overdosing an hour beforehand.

The fear and panic suddenly subsided and the irony and ridiculousness hit me like a ton of bricks, and I began laughing. The idea that this is how I’d die was so fucked up and crazy that I just found it funny. I knew I could ask for help, but at that moment I truly would have rather died than having to go through the embarrassment and trauma of having a nurse dig drugs out of my ass. And at that point in my life I just kinda didn’t care if I died anyways

Finally the laughter actually helped push it out and I was able to retrieve it. When I inspected it, I could see it was indeed very close to opening and to celebrate I poured some out onto my hand and did a good sized bump.

I made it home and continued to finish the bag, fortunately avoiding any further overdoses. About a week later it hit me how badly I needed help, and I managed to get clean for a bit.

Looking back, I realize that laughter saved my life. I’ve always used humor as a coping mechanism, and this time, it literally saved me.

These days I can’t believe how bad things got, and how lucky I am to be where I’m at now. Addiction is no joke, and it can turn even the most normal and healthy person into a degenerate.

TL;DR: I got a bag of fentanyl stuck in my ass and it almost broke open while trying to dig it out on the hospital’s bathroom floor. The absurdity of the situation made me laugh which pushed it out, saving my life

Edit: yes I’m very very aware that 50mg of fentanyl would kill dozens of people. Nobody sells pure fentanyl except for high level distributors. 99% of all fentanyl products on the street are heavily cut powder containing like 2% fentanyl or less, since the average user has no way to safely measure out microgram doses. When I say 50mg I mean 50mg of powder, probably containing no more than 3mg of fentanyl

Edit 2: for those saying they wish it had broke open and killed me, I disagree. Yeah I used to be a mess but I use my past mistakes to help others who suffer from addiction and mental illness. I’ve had multiple people say I’ve helped save their lives. My overdose experiences have led me to carry narcan, which I’ve personally used to save people from overdoses on 4 different occasions, and I volunteer to support addicts in early recovery and will soon be going to school to become a counselor. I’ve worked hard to overcome my sense of shame and self hatred, and I’m not wasting energy responding to rude and bitter comments. Until you’ve been through it, your opinion doesn’t mean shit, so kindly shut the fuck up. I hope when you or a loved one struggles with addiction you’ll be more kind❤️

Edit 3: I’ve seen a few comments saying they think this is fake. While I certainly wish I was making it up, I have no real motive to make up a degrading and disgusting story for fake internet points; even sharing it anonymously is embarrassing and painful. If that was my motive I’d pretend I saved 50 kittens from a fire or fucked Johnny Depp